I still remember how does it feel to be in love.
The excitement.
I made a list of my dream dates which will never happen, I guess. A picnic date, theme park date, shopping date and all.. And I even planned the details of dress to wear, things to bring, games to play. The most exciting was to introduce him to my family (maybe because he was my first boyfriend).
The sweetness.
When he came back from an interview in Kuala Lumpur (we live in Johor by the way), he bought me a cute pink lunchbox set. It wasn't about that lunchbox but, the thought that he had me on his mind. He cooked breakfast for me with a note "Nanti makan.". And celebrate my birthday.
The warm and comfort in everything he gave.
The frustration.
Where I feel I will never be good enough. Realizing how replaceable I am. There's always someone prettier, smarter, more kind than me. What if he gets bored of me? Isn't it nice if I'm good at doing my make up? Isn't it nice if I know how to dress up? Isn't it? It must be better if I am at least three inches taller. It must be great if I am that woman people called beauty with brain.
The heartbreaking.
When we fought, I was totally lost. I was detached from the reality.
My weight from 45 kg drop to 38 kg in two days. this is seriously a huge disappointment for someone who is really want to gain weigh. How on Earth? I didn't cut anything. I ate normally.
There was a time, I put facial cleanser on my toothbrush instead of toothpaste. And only noticed it when I saw the cleanser was on the sink (should be on the skincare shelf) and I was like, "Oh? Just now I wasn't using the toothpaste? No wonder la it tasted weird. It wasn't cool mint but, bitter-like-soup."
Those sleepless nights, awoke every an hour or two. Anxious. Maybe. I don't know either. Something didn't let me sleep.
As usual, I took a glass, went to the water dispenser to get some water. I only drink cool plain water. However, unconsciously tap for hot water and I swear I didn't hear the machine said "Hot water". I held my glass but, didn't feel the heat. And came to my senses after I burnt my own tongue.
My world was literally falling apart.
My weight from 45 kg drop to 38 kg in two days. this is seriously a huge disappointment for someone who is really want to gain weigh. How on Earth? I didn't cut anything. I ate normally.
There was a time, I put facial cleanser on my toothbrush instead of toothpaste. And only noticed it when I saw the cleanser was on the sink (should be on the skincare shelf) and I was like, "Oh? Just now I wasn't using the toothpaste? No wonder la it tasted weird. It wasn't cool mint but, bitter-like-soup."
Those sleepless nights, awoke every an hour or two. Anxious. Maybe. I don't know either. Something didn't let me sleep.
As usual, I took a glass, went to the water dispenser to get some water. I only drink cool plain water. However, unconsciously tap for hot water and I swear I didn't hear the machine said "Hot water". I held my glass but, didn't feel the heat. And came to my senses after I burnt my own tongue.
My world was literally falling apart.
To tell you the truth. It is exhausting and unpromising. The only thing that keeps you holding on so tightly is your faith. Despite the whole world struggle to separate you both, from the elevator door to the Mak Cik Bawang. You try so hard to not drown overthinking. You try so hard to ignore the negative thoughts in which running wild in your head. All you do is trying. Trying to treat him the way he deserve so you have no regrets for not trying.
The faith one fine beautiful day, we will make it till the end.