FLOWER

Saturday, 4th January 2025 - We were flying to the seventh heaven seeing a pink cross line appeared on the pregnancy test.

Monday, 6th January 2025 - The confirmation scan where my heart buried seven feet depth because just an empty sac sighted. The doctor then did a transvaginal ultrasound but the result remained unchanged.

Tuesday, 28th January 2025 - Obgyn appointment when you finally show up with heartbeats!

***Cut story short***

Wednesday, 3rd September 2025 - It's your due date but you insisted to stay in my tummy a little bit longer. Maybe it was too comfy in there. Or was it because I always had nasi kandar and strawberry matcha?

Monday, 8th September 2025 - You were now 40 weeks 5 days.

07:30 a.m. - I had french toast and hot milo for breakfast.

08:30 a.m. - Went for a brisk walk with baba while still got time since you didn't want to come out yet. Only walked for a few steps when I started to feel pain which hurt really bad and indescribable. Not sure if it was a contraction so I checked if it happen repeatedly. It did. Sometimes in 10 and sometimes in 7 minutes. I managed to finish the whole track of 10,000 steps anyway. Impressive! Lol!

09:50 a.m. - Straight to the hospital. ECG and scan, everything was good. The doctor checked cervical dilation. I was just 2cm dilated.

03:30 p.m. - Admitted ward.

04:00 p.m. - The contraction getting harder like no jokes I swear.

06:00 p.m. - The gap between each contraction became shorter and shorter. Almost like non-stop. I was in pain every second and the pain was real to the extend I thought I won't make it to meet you.

07:00 p.m. - Baba called out the doctor. In 10 minutes the doctor got 6 very high amplitude. He was shocked (maybe because that were a lot, I didn't know either) so he checked cervical dilation and he was like "I think it's 4cm or maybe 5."

08:15 p.m. - Administrated pain killer which absolute useless. I still in so much pain and called back the nurse. She checked, that time I was 6cm dilated and they right away moved me to another bed to be transferred to the labour room.

09:30 p.m. - View through the ECG your heart beats were not quite pretty (fetal distress). It might take a long time till my dilation reach 10cm hence they asked for baba's permission and got the concern for emergency c-section. When the doctor explained to me details of the procedure, all that was in my mind "Will I wake up after this operation or will I not?"

10:11 p.m. - All praises is to Allah. You were safely born.

If I may rate the pain of the delivery process from 0 to 10 :-
Branula insertion - 0.001/10
Check cervical dilation - 1/10
Contraction - 10/0 (come on math student, you know what I mean)
Czer - 10/10 (as the epidural wear off)
Healing process - 7/10 (for the first week where I barely walked and bend my body)

Those roller coaster ride during the first trimester and few weeks last! Morning sickness (nausea with vomit), high fever, severe headache, back pain and all. Warded several times. I remember I only showed up at the office twice a week for the three months. Indeed I am traumatised by the whole pregnancy journey till labour nonetheless it really taught the meaning of surrendering myself to God. No wonder la syurga di bawah tapak kaki ibu even I humbly realise don't deserve it at all.

My dearly daughter,
You are 45 days of life by the time I am writing this. It feels surreal now that you are in my arms. You were the fine line on the UPT. You were the tiny bean on the ultrasound. A strong baby who has survived the horrific moment when I was at the lowest low and kept thinking what if I lost you most of the time. It took me to have you to only then understand the 'unconditional love'. You are an answered dua. May you grow up healthily and gracefully into a beautiful soul.

My beloved husband,
Let's pour our love and shoulder this amanah fairly and live happily ever after. May Allah bless our family with sakinah, mawaddah and rahmah.

Mama